What I love about Connective Parenting NVR is that you never stop learning. So much current work on trauma, nervous system stability and parenting is linked to what we teach when supporting parents; and of course as parents in our own rights, using this method in our homes.
The other day I saw a very interesting way to think about self-care and why it is so crucial. *
Let’s look at ourselves: in a day we are doing hundreds of things for our children, our families, dealing with schools, social workers, medical professionals etc, etc. Not to mention dealing with the challenging behaviours our children present us with!
What is left of our day (or our brain capacity!) is then used to think about things we need – our self-care, our wellbeing. An afterthought.
If you had to put this in picture form, it would look very much like the shaky triangle you see below.
It may be obvious from this image, that if self-care is the smallest part of our triangle (or our lives) you are starting from a very unstable base and the whole thing can topple at any moment - think burn-out, blocked care, nervous system dysregulation – to name a few.
So let’s flip the triangle!
Give your triangle a solid base from where everything else in your life can be built. When you are giving the required attention to yourself and your needs, you create the capacity to do all the other things in a calm, focused, organised way. This not only helps the tasks you need to complete, but how you show up for your children. Someone who is healthy and strong; emotionally, physically and mentally is able to respond to their children’s needs in a productive way:
does not easily get over-whelmed
has the aptitude to resolve things logically
models calm, controlled behaviours
has the energy (and need) to commence and engage in fun activities
and the ability to see the best in any situation and their child
Basically, a solid base has the strength to take on heavy things.
So flip that triangle and see the change.
Fabiola Wiseman
The Ochre Connection
theochreconnection@icloud.com
* I do not remember where I came across this concept, so if you do know, please advise me so I can credit the correct person.
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